A pound and eight ounces…

Standard

That’s how much I gained this morning. And then I spiraled

I did every ritual to calm myself down this morning. One thing about rituals is sometimes they can off as so normal that people don’t realize that the person with an ED is purposely doing this. One thing that I would do is I would purposely mess up my room at school to where it was too messy to breath, then when I wasn’t happy about my weight I would clean to burn calories, so I would spend hours cleaning, scrubbing, folding, unfolding, refolding, all to burn calories. This morning while my dad was in the hospital, I woke up, measured out all my food and counted calories, took 2 appetite suppressants, did not follow my meal plan and deep cleaned the whole house.

I can’t do this. I suck at recovery

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One response »

  1. That’s a stepback, but it doesn’t mean you can’t. Breaking the habits will take time. And it will always be with you. But you’ll be in charge of it. You will be.

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