Let me wake up feeling terribly proud that the girl in the mirror is me

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Two slices of pizza and a salad with cheese and croutons topped of with honey mustard

Bread from the pizza and croutons are a carbs. 

Carbohydrates turn into sugar in your body, which gives you an energy boost. The amount of carbs can raise or lower your blood sugar and without them, you will be sadder, confused, and more stressed. When you eat a carb, it boosts chemicals to the brain that relive stress and when you avoid them, you will crave them. You will break and binge on breads. Do not worry though, carbs do not make you fat, unless you avoid them, then when you eat them you will indeed get bigger. 

Cherry tomatoes from your salad are your fruit. 

Fruits give you a lot of nice things. For one, they are yummy and smell nice. That’s a personal thought, but it’s my blog so my rules. Fruits can help you fight a whole range of diseases, support your immune system and helps with your digestive system. Your hair, nails and skin are greatly benefitted from fruit as well. Also, they give you fiber, vitamins, minerals, antioxidants plus they can be filling. So maybe you don’t like apples or bananas, it’s okay to have preferences but you must have fruit to survive. You have increased chances of disease, your hair and nails will suck, good luck shitting, and your heart as well as your waist will suffer. 

Veggies on the pizza and lettuce are vegetables.

Vegetables are kind of like fruit, they give you vitamins and nutrients. Some provide acids that help form red blood cells. And if you think shitting is hard without fruit, do it without veggies. 

Cheese is a diary. 

So I am guessing everyone who is reading this is aware that diary helps with bone growth and health. got milk? It improves bone mass, helps lower your blood sugar, reduces your risk of heart disease and type 2 diabetes. So without it, you will have the opposite of the positive effects.

Honey Mustard is a fat.

There are many feelings that come up with this word. I am not talking about Mcdonalds in Texas fat or trans fats, I am talking about it as a component, just like diary or a fruit. You have to have fat to live. They help absorb vitamins, provides energy back up, keeps us warm, and there’d be crazy shit in your blood. There is a lot of other shit to it as well but you get it. You need it.

A calorie is just a unit of energy. They produce energy cells and without them, we will die. Anything that has energy has calories.

You need all of these things. I have been told that when I am anxious about the food I am eating to think of it as giving my body medicine, not food. Yes, there are people that overeat, and there are people that weigh pounds upon pounds more than they should, but I guess that would be overdosing on your medicine. I don’t know. But, as scary as my challenge day was for all of us, when you break it down, the consequences of not eating those things can be scarier. 

So what happened? Why did these components become so fearful? Pizza is supposed to be considered a fun food, you get it on the last day or school or during a sleepover. The memory itself isn’t pizza but many memories are build along with it. Something happened, and what I am not sure, to me that allowed me to take out all my pain, all my sorrows, all my fears, all my bad memories, all of my loss, and my whole worth is represented in every bite of food, every broken up component that has convinced me that the thing that is supposed to keep me alive will kill me. In fairness, I have a dad who is dying of a food related illness and I live in a country that is dying of food related diseases. 

I am not too afraid of death. In fact, I am more afraid of living than the idea of dying. Death is sudden, and one it happens, it happens. Death is a wish that I have begged for and tried to be proactive with. 

Every meal brings a huge realm of emotions, a lot of anxiety especially after the meal, a lot of anger, and a lot of sadness, just to say a few. Instead of feeling things, I have but all my feelings into the components of food.

You are what you eat. 

I am nothing so I try to eat nothing. 

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