24A

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Sup bitches

I am in the air right now. Weeee. If for some reason you don’t know, I am on my way to  Remuda Ranch, a residential facility for eating disorders. It’s freezing in here. Another perk of anorexia, you are cold all the time. I’m hungry too but I refuse to eat until I am forced to. Nope. Enjoying every second of anorexia I can. 

I was all confident until now. What if I can’t do this? What if I am one of those girls who spends their life in and out of treatment centers? I have said this before, I am all about recovery minus the habit changes and the weight gain. Someone told me when you in recovery food won’t be as scary and you won’t even want to diet. What. I can’t imagine not dieting, I can’t imagine sitting down at a restaurant and ordering what you truly want, despite calories and fats. I went shopping for food at for this program that the RAs are programming and I saw the list that people created and I wouldn’t have eaten any of that. ever. I just can’t imagine that people don’t care about that shit. How can you not take diet pills, diuretics, laxatives, and appetite suppressants.  When I think recovery I think less strict dieting. I can’t imagine a life without having somewhat of a complicated relationship with food. 

Sweet balls it is cold on this plane

Mother fuckers

Oh my god I am going to rehab today. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I am nervous. If you can, you should text me this morning. I am bored and I need pals.

Love love

Sarah 

 

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