You’ve been cast as Anorexic

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Mental illnesses are fascinating. A person can look perfectly fine and healthy while their mind might be so sick that they see or hear things that aren’t there. Another bonus of mental illness, since it is hard to see, it is easy to fake.

Maybe it’s because I struggle with Anorexia, PTSD, general anxiety and depression I can see past all the glamorized bullshit and know what these things feel like but for some reason mental illness and pregnancy are the 2 things that I see people lie about. I’ve had a lot of odd jobs and I’ve met a lot of crazy fucking people but the ones that blow my mind are the people that want the things that any of us truly struggling would trade in a heart beat. 

Faking an eating disorder doesn’t make me feel closer to you or look at you any different. Faking going to rehab multiple times doesn’t make me like you anymore. Here’s the magically thing about my ability to see your bullshit, I have the “advantage” of actually having the things that you want. I’ve been pregnant, I’ve been to rehab and I have an eating disorder. When you tell me that you don’t eat and count your calories but you can easily look at a menu or even suggest food without going to the bathroom after your meal shows me that the only mental illness you suffer from is your inability to tell me who you are. 

This isn’t cool. I had to drop my whole life, I lost my friends, trust, my job, my health and my mental sanity and I don’t understand what makes people feel like they have to pretend to have this. There is no perk. Yes, did I get attention before I left? Yes but for 4 days until I went to treatment and I was taken out of civilization. And to be honest, attention because people are genuinely scared for you is not fun. People either look at you with pity or just ask you tons of questions because they are curious and want you to be a topic of conversation. 

It’s not like people notice all the time, too. Even if you drop weight, for the most part nobody will notice or won’t know what to say. Spending hours, days, weeks, months puking every bite or shaking because you are starving is not something you want people to think about you. This disease is hell and it really pisses me off when people pretend to have it. Why would you pretend to want this? 

This is a disease, not some game or something cool that your friends will love you more from. Be yourself, enjoy life, don’t fake starve yourself so you cannot be apart of the anorexic club. 

 

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