I am a fan of social media and apps to a degree that is almost shameful; Each week I browse through the app store, finding one game to keep my mind busy or scrolling down Facebook to see what new website people are sharing their time with. I recently found timehop, which is an app that allows you to synch it with your Facebook, twitter, etc. and show you what you were doing/thinking/saying up to two to three years ago.
My first few times on the application it reminded me of some fun times in the past and also some posts that seemed to be very important to me at the time but I have no recollection of what the purpose of why I wrote/posted it in the past. It’s funny because each time I think about the future, I hope to look back on what once was with pride and a feeling of growth. You know, maybe a tweet that I would look back on and be proud of or allowing myself to seeing how much I’ve learned. I learned that in the past few years, I have kept the same haircut, my acne has not gotten better (shout out to Kathy’s genes) and I love cursing. Nothing too aha worthy.
Until today when I went opened the app to find that the words that I had given to July 20, 2013 were not my own, they were my eating disorder’s.
It disguised itself as inspiration to me at the time. A reason to skip a meal or to give up a social opportunity to isolate in the gym that most likely seemed harmless to my twitter followers. Since we live in a world that is so focused on dieting and exercise, when you obsess about it and make it a reoccurring theme on Facebook or twitter, people actually look at you with pride instead of concern which makes it very convenient to publicize this obsession.
RT @DailyHealth: Would you rather be covered in sweat at the gym,or covered in clothes at the beach
When I look back onto last summer all I remember is days of misery inflicted by my anorexia. Hours at the gym, getting on and off the scale, constantly counting as if my life were just one big math problem. Staring at this was like being casted in some 90s horror film with lipstick on my mirror telling me “I know what you did last summer”.
Ironically, I had the opportunity to go to the beach last summer and I didn’t because I didn’t feel I was thin enough.
That’s what this horrible tweet boils down to, the would you rather creates things that were created to be enjoyable into a worth game. Putting that tweet truly into context, it is telling the follower that if you are not exhausting your body with exercise than you should be so ashamed of your body that you should ‘cover up’ at the beach.
Why does it have to be this way? Why does something as fun as going on a vacation have to be a summary to the world if you are ‘working hard enough’ or as a way to prove that you are beautiful.
I have been at the beach several times. Many beaches, some crowded, some empty. Do you know what I remember? Sand castles, riding waves, getting so sunburn that you look like a lobster, getting hamburgers, opening your eyes under water as a child and feeling as if your eyes just burned worse than your skin, etc. I do not remember any person’s body. I do not remember my fun being stopped by another person’s body nor do I remember seeing some body and being like ‘wow, they would clearly rather covered in clothes than sweat in the gym’. Pardon my language, and although sometimes it feels like a rule that excludes me and my body, but nobody gives a fuck about a stranger’s body
And even the people who went to the beach and didnt work out were still in their bathing suits.
Why, Dailyhealth, did I allow you to make me feel like a vacation wasn’t worth having because I wasn’t working hard enough on creating my perfect body.
So, I dedicate this lovely oreo recovery infused donut in my hands to you DailyHeath. One week from now I will be at the beach, splashing around with people who didnt work out to have fun, who go on vacation not to prove my worth through my body but go for the opportunity to drink beer and have fun.