I don’t even know how to begin this. I’m angry I’m sad I’m hurt and I’m confused.
I’m back at school and I’m doing two things I know I should not be. For the first thing I am struggling so hard and my eating disorder is screaming at me. And the second thing that sucks is I don’t have the courage to tell anybody about it. This is so odd for me because I’m so used to saying everything that is on my mind. But I pride myself in that I am the person who although I am an atheist, I try to give respect to all religious beliefs. But today apparently I’m just a bitch. Because I told off a girl for talking about the Bible. That is so not me that is Sarah when she is Hellas stressed. I mean I apologize but I don’t really think she forgave me.
And I purged..,the purging until you see stomach acid purge. And now I just want to go back into my eating center where it’s comfortable. I’m so torn because half of the reason why I am so uncomfortable because I’ve been gone because my eating disorder. But then there’s another part of me that wants anorexia back so I can feel comfortable again.
I have support here too. I have people that I can talk to. But I’m shutting them out and only my shutting them out I’m shutting down in the process. With every hour I’m getting more and more isolated I feel more and more anxious and this is horrible
I’m starting to believe that I wasn’t ready for this change. It’s so embarrassing because every interest to call my parents and tell them that I can’t do this. But then I failed AGAIN
FUCK I’M SO ANGRY