Food is stressing me out. I wish that I could word that in a more fancy and profound way but I’m having a full panic attack over just the concept of food. It makes me feel like I am such a failure because today, food bullied me. It singled me out in front of everyone, asserted it’s dominance and completely humiliated me. It’s a true fucking story, food personified itself with the sole purpose to belittle me.
I tried to fight back, i really really did. I counted chews, I played with my food, I cut my food up in tiny pieces, I ate the lunch my eating disorder wanted me to, and still, it humiliated me. I had meals with people and there were conversations but all i heard was “You’re fat. Stop eating. You’re pathetic. Everyone is disgusted by you” screaming at me and I couldn’t make out any other conversation. At one point I tried to stick up for myself and I drank chocolate low calorie almond milk and food never yelled at me like it did when I finished that glass. It was like I drank a anxiety attack elixir. Food forced me to leave my friends house because it told me that, unlike anybody else who drinks chocolate milk, a girl as fat and pathetic as me should be so ashamed and deserves to be friendless so she should go back to her room where there is no crumb to consume. I can’t have food here. I need a place to feel safe.
Fuck you, food. You’re a cunt. Please leave me alone.