The Procedure


My dad had a procedure today. This could be the surgery that changes everything, he had spent months trying to find someone to do it, people made prayer quilts in anticipation (because quilts and jesus cure cancer), etc. It had been planned for weeks, it probably had a tab in my moms cancer binder, and naturally my mom took off work, my sister scheduled a long lunch and before his surgery he texted me at 6:37 AM and told me he loved me and he was excited to see me in a few weeks. That’s what families do for each other. They say and do kind things for each other.

Unless you’re me. I didn’t respond to my dads text, I could’ve easily gone down to Charlotte today and spent the next five fucking days with him but I’m here at school Nobody told me my dad had surgery today. Nobody told me what was going on until this afternoon in a mass group text and I still don’t know where he is. What kind of daughter doesn’t know what hospital her dad is at?

I’n not trying to complain or bitch about my family because I really do love them and they love me as much as they can and they have a lot on their plate. This was just the last thing that needed to happen. I didn’t need to be forgotten by another person.

I spent my whole disorder trying to make myself physically disappear to the world and now that I’m in “recovery” I’ve never felt so invisible


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