Today was a low day. I hesitate even writing this because of what the response might be but I promise you, people that needed to be notified, were notified. I ate french fries last night and my eating disorder has destroyed me ever since. As pathetic as this may sound, I woke up with thoughts of suicide because I broke one of my ‘rules’. I cut my skin as punishment and skipped lunch because of worth. Not because of calories, not because of fear but because today I looked at those around me and allowed ED to convince me that I was not worthy of food. As if it was a prize and not a necessity.
I told my treatment team about what happened and I am trying to look at the bright side. I survived today. I wanted to kill myself but I fought through it. Even though days like this happen, the fact that I ate breakfast and dinner is a big deal. I’m proud of my progress and even though I am struggling, I am so much better than I was last year or even Saturday for that matter.
I can still do this