I started a new medication this and it has put me in a really weird position. On one hand, ED symptoms have gone way down. My purging has decreased, I’m able to sit through urges and I am beginning to eat what I want, when I want it. I do have a lot of anxiety around food and I have noticed that I have been following some ED rules with chews and tearing up my food more than unusual but overall, ED wise I am doing great. On the other hand, I’ve hit a really, really bad low with my depression. I’m having trouble getting out of bed, I am holding back tears basically all day, I’m self harming, I’m having multiple panic attacks a day, I am having suicidal thoughts constantly (not acting on them, obviously), and I feel as if I am the most unlovable, unwanted person in the world. I can say logically that that’s distorted, I do have people who love me and I am trying to tell myself that, but my depression is making it extremely difficult.
What should I do? Should I stay on this medication since recovery wise, I am doing the best I have in Greensboro or should I get off of it, hope the depression ends but have my ED get worse?