Semester Done Bitches

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Hey Hi

I apologize for not writing on here as often as I used to. Many of you know what situation I am in so I do not want to entertain what is going on in my life. It’s not my place nor is it beneficial to you or myself. Plus I really want to steer away from self pity.

Anyways

I finished my semester officially and I can honesty say that I will return in January which is way more than I could say last year.  It’s crazy to think that a year ago at this time I just began treatment and this blog. Even on the days where I feel as though there is no hope for my recovery, I look back on where I used to be and realize that I am no where near to my worst. When you are completely into your eating disorder, the only future you can see is thin. But now I have legit things to look forward to. I’m graduating in a year, and I have plans after graduation. Who knows if they will actually happen but hey, it’s a plan that doesn’t involve dieting.

Looking back on this semester, I do have areas that i need to improve on. I need to be more consistent with my recovery and I need to open up more. I used to be an open book or at least I thought I was, but ever since I’ve came back I’ve had trouble sharing all the happenings of my life to people. Anybody that leaves for treatment can attest that the process of packing and telling people is extremely traumatizing. I can’t tell you how completely painful and humiliating the week of January 12th 2014 was for me. Sending an email to over 100 people explaining what I had hidden for years was horrible in every way possible. So coming back, I wanted to come off as perfect. People saw my vulnerability and I don’t want that to happen again. But doing that is a challenge that I want to commit to.

So yes, am I proud of myself for my accomplishments? Extremely. Could I be doing better? Of course.

But I did it. I came, I conquered and I am going to keep doing that until I graduate.

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