It’s day 3 of Sarah trying to get back on track and let me tell you this is fucking difficult. My body is doing everything it can to reject any food that I consume. It’s really frustrating when you are motivated to be in recovery but your body isn’t. It’s like my body is trying to tell me that recovery isn’t for me.
That doesn’t mean that I have given up though. Being unable to digest food comfortably and sitting through anxiety without my eating disorder is a truly a test for me. Right now is the perfect opportunity to give in and relapse completely. It’d be a lot easier than this, I’d feel in control, I’d feel like a have a purpose and I would feel that addicting feeling of my waist getting smaller and smaller. I say that with the knowledge that those feelings are only temporary and they bring nothing to my life but more problems.
This isn’t easy at all. If I knew how to write how hard this is I would but there are no words to describe the fuckery of anorexia. It’s shit and I’ll leave it at that.
Wish me luck my friends as I continue on what seems like a never ending journey of recovery, I would greatly appreciate it.