Water Queens

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Good news, I finally figured out why my body was acting all crazy and I believe I have it under control. Funny thing about barely eating for a week and purging, your body gets super dehydrated and it makes you feel like you’re going to die. So tip from me to you, if you wake up and think “I’m going to die today” drink a glass of water and reevaluate. Ellen was right, it does get better! Drink water queens.

One thing that is difficult for me to accept is that other people diet and it’s totally fine for them. Like “Oh look at me, I went on weight watchers and my life is still together. Watch me twirl in this summer dress. Oh the joys of life!” For me, I have this problem where I love dieting because I have this thing called Anorexia. It kinda gets out of hand and every one gets all disappointed in me so I was like ehh maybe I should stop this. And so I go to treatment, paint rocks, ride horses, cry, and paid thousands of dollars to learn how to accept my body and not count calories. Which is cool when everyone around you is all high from doing a line of body acceptance but then you come back home and apparently nobody else can afford the love your body copay that your insurance requires. So I sit here, completely dumb fucked on how the hell somebody can count calories and not try to kill themselves in the process. How do you do that? Oh bitches that go on runs with their friends. Hello amigo, there is an I in dieting, no fucking we.

And I’m not saying this trying to be pro ana. Anorexia is bad, ask my therapist. I seriously don’t understand how a person does it. Kudos skinny slores, you get to live the dream.

WHAT THE HELL IS A CHEAT DAY? WHAT ARE THIS? I seriously want to sit a fit person down and ask questions. I have so many.

Do you know what else I don’t understand? If you know I have Anorexia why the fuck are you talking to me about your diet? Why bitch why! And then when they talk about it, they always throw in “You know, I’m just trying to be healthy”. Ohhhhhh bitch.  No, I don’t know. When you found out I had Anorexia, was your first thought “I bet this bitch TOTALLY knows how to be healthy with weight loss. Yep, she knows, she knows” I mean, you would never walk into your friend who has skin cancer’s room and be like “I just started indoor tanning…you know, nothing extreme, just to get a healthy glow.”

Also, you want to talk about healthy when you shut my shit down. You tell me you’re cutting out a food group because one of Oprah’s doctor friends said that you could get ebola and a bigger waist size if you eat carbs and I’m like no hunnay, that’s actually not good for you and you look at me like I’m wrong. Don’t call me when you can’t shit bitch. I spent 8 months learning about diets and it’s effects on your body, I know my shit. If I came to you and was like I’m not eating carbs anymore, you’d freak. There might be tears, the words “Im so worried about you” would leave your harshly lined lips and you’d call me beautiful because, you know, I won’t believe it until you say it.

I can’t handle people today. This is why I don’t talk to people from my hometown. I raise my glass of water to any person who isn’t dieting. Fucking proud of you my little butterfly.

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3 responses »

  1. I can feel your rage, and I have the same issues! People think they’re so smart with their diets and they’re so proud to tell you all about it, and it’s like HI, DO YOU REALIZE I’M IN FUCKING RECOVERY?!? SO frustrating. And then at the same time I just get jealous of their dieting, because it’s never going to be a thing I can do safely. Every part of eating disorders is so shitty and so frustrating 😦

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